In the Ted Talk, How My Dad’s Dementia Changed My Idea of Death Beth Malone talks about her father’s dementia. Malone’s father had frontotemporal lobe dementia which could change soemones personality, make them paranoid, or even violent at times. Her father was diagnosed with dementia over 10 years ago, but it was only three years ago when his symptoms began to worsen. His family decided to place him into a nursing home, which wasn’t the best option for him. One day he threatened everyone at the facility he was going to cut them, while also yanking curtains off the wall, and becoming very aggressive to others.
Malone’s family found a facility for people with dementia so her dad could be in a more suitable place. She went to visit him one day and he had fallen over and was trying to take off the clothes they had placed on him. This upset her so much that she couldn’t even visit him that day and she left. She started to question, “Why should my dad have to live this life.” After visiting with therapists, psychics and support groups she knew she had to let him know she was alright and that she didn’t have to worry about him. When she went to see her dad to tell him she’d be alright without him, she had a change of heart.
Her father was himself again. He was laughing and told her that he missed her when she told him she missed him. She knew that day that he was somewhat himself again. She knew when she held his hands he was still there. She then knew that she couldn't change death and the story of someone’s life.
As I reflect back on this story it shows the roles that each individual can have in someone’s life. All you need to do is be there to provide support when the day may either be good or bad. I have seen this personally when my grandmother was diagnosed with dementia. Some days she was herself and other it was like you were looking into an empty tunnel. Every day was different, but as we continued our roles in her life, she was at peace and when the time came, she went home with the Lord.
As therapist we need to remember we are there to help no matter how good or bad. Some days we may feel like we have climbed a hill trying to find the soul inside the person without reaching the top and others we feel like we are at the top. We cannot change what has happened, but we can change what will happen in the future.
Beth Malone’s touching, heartfelt story is one to listen to for sure. We need to remember who we are, and what roles we have in someone else’s life. Support the ones we love and even though they may not be the person you remember deep down a piece of them is still there. Dementia may take their memory or cause them to act in ways that are uncommon for them, but deep down there is a piece of them still there. We just have to be patient and wait for the day to see it again, wither it be a day, weeks, or months, or even in the afterlife.
I highly encourage everyone to watch this Ted talk, to hopefully change your idea of what perceptions you previously had no matter the situation. It will make you have a different outlook on your decision. Click on the link below to watch the Ted Talk.
Malone, B. (n.d.). How my dad's dementia changed my idea of death (and life). Retrieved August 22, 2019, from https://www.ted.com/talks/beth_malone_how_my_dad_s_dementia_changed_my_idea_of_death_and_life
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